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When everything changes

Just as one abnormal cell can multiply and trigger major changes in the body, a cancer diagnosis causes a ripple effect in a family. Adults who learn they have the disease and their loved ones — especially their partners — may experience a process similar to grief, according to Laurie Rosenblatt, MD, a psychiatrist who works with patients and families at Dana-Farber.

"The initial diagnosis often brings shock, denial, and sadness," she says. "The partner especially has to put aside his or her own needs." For example, when Brennan's wife, Karen, was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in 1999, his first reaction was a selfish one. "I wondered why this had to happen to me. Now that Karen is well and I have cancer myself, I know you have to stay focused on the patient."

"Never again will I take an afternoon of sailing, or the health of my children, for granted."

— Michael Dodd

Parents of an ill child often move more quickly from despair to optimism to protect him or her and their other children, notes Pamela Hogen, PsyD, a psychologist in DFCI's Jimmy Fund Clinic. "They put the child first and adjust their priorities right away."

For example, after learning Isabelle had neuroblastoma, an aggressive cancer of the nervous tissue, the Dodds became her chief advocates, also keeping their 6-year-old son, his teachers, and classmates apprised of Isabelle's situation.

Each family has its own dynamic, and each member will respond to a cancer diagnosis differently according to his or her personality and age, says DFCI Pastoral Care Director Rev. Walter Moczynski, MDiv, MTS, who meets with families receiving oncology care at Dana-Farber, Children's, and Brigham and Women's Hospital. He points out that religion, spirituality, or culture often affect understanding and influence how a family reacts.

"Cancer can be a journey," Moczynski adds, "so it is important for family members to share where they're at from the very beginning, even if they say, 'I can't talk about this.'"

Paths of Progress, Fall/Winter 2003

Paths of Progress Archive

Program helps families 'connect'

When Bill Wittbold learned he had advanced lung cancer, he and his wife, Karen, gathered their seven children around the kitchen table so he could tell them the news. He said he loved them, it wasn't anyone's fault, and they should carry on with their lives. Then, with cancer spread through both of his lungs, the 47-year-old went out to mow the lawn.
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